man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
