I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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