omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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