I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
