Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
