he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
