Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
