Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
