after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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