Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
