scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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