my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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