this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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