Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
whose parrot is this?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
