We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
