Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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