Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
