My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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