well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
