I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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