So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
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