I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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