I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
