I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
