So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
