Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
