I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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