Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
