i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
