Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
