i would punch a child for taco bell
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
