I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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