Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
