Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
