Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
