There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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