..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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