He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I didn't notice because vodka
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
