She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
