Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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