All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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