ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
