i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
