"it" just moved
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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