I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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