if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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