I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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