That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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