It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I touched a dick in church today
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
