Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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