if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
