I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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