It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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